Somwhere Between "Losing My Mind" and "Only Slightly Crazy"

Where in the world have I been? Well, those of you who are truly University Mamas and Papas wouldn't be asking that question because you know that my current location is somewhere between "Losing My Mind" and "Only Slightly Crazy." October and the first of November have been, in my experience, the hardest part of the school year (or any part of year, for that matter). On the personal end of things, our family begins to juggle basketball schedules, 4H competitions, holidays, special events at church and in the community, etc. It's like there is a mad dash to cram in a bunch of stuff while the weather is still partially nice and the Thanksgiving/Christmas rush hasn't started. On the school end of things, it always seems like the biggest projects and papers are due during October/November. Add all these things together, and you have a recipe for extreme stress overload.

I kid you not: there were many nights last month that I sat at my computer on the verge of tears and/or a heart attack. Okay...maybe not a heart attack, but perhaps a chest pain or two. You know the feeling where you could hyperventilate if you were the hyperventilating-type? You don't? Oh. Well, that's kind of what it felt like.

In summation, October was miserably stressful.

I quite literally survived by sending myself e-mails and setting alarms on my phone to remind me of things. Everything from orthodontist appointments to "thaw chicken" showed up in my phone and/or inbox.

Thank goodness for technology...and for a family who has stuck with me and chipped in throughout this crazy roller coaster ride. The best news is...the semester's almost done!!!


(P.S. If only I had one of those combo washer/dryers that begins drying a load after it's done with the wash cycle. That, my friends, is what I call harnessing the power of technology for REAL!)

The Homework Excuse

Do you ever find yourself using your student status to get out of obligations or events? I admit--I do it a lot. I'm not being dishonest when I say, "I really need to spend the weekend doing homework/studying," because there's ALWAYS something that I could be working on. However, in theory, it's entirely possible for me to set aside one evening and get all my work done so that I could enjoy a much-needed day off to sleep in, reorganize closets or just hang out with my family. While people may understand (and, indeed, pity) my full schedule, they don't seem as willing to accept a response of "I can't do [fill-in-the-blank] because I just need a day where I don't have anything scheduled." They may say, "Oh, I understand," but their eyes say, "You just don't want to do it." That's why I use the homework excuse like a crutch.

As I write, it is lunchtime on Saturday and I am still in my pajamas. I haven't accomplished much other than eating the great breakfast my hubby prepared and washing one load of clothes. I tried to go back to bed and get a little extra sleep; that didn't work, but I read a chapter of a non-assigned novel instead. Oh--and I made a trip to the grocery. I can think of a long list of things I NEED or COULD be doing, but I don't mind admitting that I need some laid-back days like this to keep my nerves in check.

I'm already beginning to wonder....what will life be like without the homework excuse to fall back on? I've been able to pass out the homework excuse for almost three years now. I think I'm going to miss it. I guess I'm going to have to learn the art of saying "no"--gasp!

Tiny Victories

It occurred to me that I spend too much time on this blog complaining. I tend to use it as a outlet for my frustration and exhaustion because I know many of you out there in blog land are nodding your heads and saying, "Amen, sister! I know exactly how you feel!" Yes, there are a lot of obstacles juggling a family, a full-time job and a (nearly) full-time class load. Yes, it can be overwhelming. Yes, it sometimes feels like full-time failure because so many things get left undone. It's easy for me to feel defeated at the end of the day because it never seems like my "to do" list gets any smaller. But despite what I sometimes feel, I still manage to accomplish some things.

For example, today I:

*mowed the lawn while my hubby was away on business
*had a "heart-to-heart" with The Eldest and dealt out some parental discipline (I feel like she's learned a lesson and it won't happen again)
*helped a teacher find some educational research to help validate a very important program at our school
*washed one load of laundry (hey, it's something)
*helped The Youngest get her pig-sty room cleaned up
*unloaded the dishwasher and started a new load
*cooked dinner (though sadly, it was lacking in any veggies...but it still counts!)
*read "The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks" for 15 minutes (my "pleasure reading" for the day)
*read my daily Bible Study
*exercised for 20 minutes (not including mowing the lawn)
*helped the kids with their homework
*read a bedtime story to The Youngest

Victory!!! Tiny victories, but victories nonetheless. From now on, I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective.

Playing Catch-Up

Weekends are for rest and relaxation, right? Then why am I spending it playing "catch-up?" I'm catching up on homework, catching up on laundry, catching up on quality time with the kids...and I'm STILL not caught up! Maybe I should just accept the fact that I never will be. Motherhood seems to be one of those occupations where there is no "I'm finished!" moment followed by permission to kick up your heels and relax.

Still, I am feeling a bit better now that I started a day without being woken up by an alarm clock. It also feels good that I've somewhat gotten a handle on my homework. I am concerned about a couple of things (one being a group project--only two other people have communicated with me about it, we haven't started anything and it's due next week). I keep thinking that if I can just get through a couple of weeks, I'll begin to get back into the rhythm and flow of things....or at least figure out the homework schedule.

On the upside, I'm SO glad I took my professor's advice and dropped a class before the semester began. First of all, I'd never be able to handle 12 hours of classes and a full-time job (especially since the class was a research class).

Another piece of good news is that the Education class I am taking for my teacher certification does not have assignment due dates; the only rule is that assignments must be completed in corresponding order. Then again, maybe this is bad news. I'd really hate for December to roll around when I'm being blasted with the Christmas holiday rush and suddenly realize that I've put off all of those assignments while trying to stay afloat in my graduate classes!

At any rate, I don't feel guilty hanging out with my kiddos, watching iCarly and painting our toenails tonight. At least I've caught up enough to do that!

The Week in Review

Exciting. Apprehensive. Overwhelming. Invigorating. Structured. Challenging. Exhausting. Fulfilling. Enjoyable. These are just a few words that describe my back-to-work experience this week.

A few people may wonder how a simple position as a library assistant could possibly be invigorating or fulfilling. I can hear it now, "Don't you just shelve and check-out books?" Um...no. There's actually much more to the job than that, but most people think that's all a bonafide librarian does anyway. However, because I am working on my master's degree in the field, I am privy to much more than a typical library assistant would be. I'm so excited to be working under a wonderful librarian who is basically treating the opportunity as a mentorship. We look at budgets and Accelerated Reader testing. We discuss policy and brainstorm on how the library could be rearranged. We are much more of a "team" than a typical librarian/assistant would be.

I have been pretty well exhausted this week, though. First of all, I'm not used to being on my feet all day. This is one aspect of the job that I didn't expect: I rarely get to sit because we are constantly busy and on-the-go all day. That adds to the tired I'm already feeling from trying to get back into a school sleep schedule rather than a "wake up when you want to" summertime schedule. I admit that I'm not doing very well on getting to bed early enough, but I have forced myself out early enough to get a tiny bit of exercise in (this week I need to work on doubling my exercise time).

My freezer meals have been a tremendous help so far. I'm already worried about running out of "goodies" because I either don't have time and/or energy to get to the grocery store after school.

I am a bit anxious about my grad school classes beginning this week. I'm taking nine hours this semester (glad I dropped one class earlier this summer; I could have never handled 12 hours and a new job!). I'm not exactly excited about coming home and getting started on homework when I have plenty of chores to take care of, dinner to cook and when I need to be supervising my children's homework/chores. I'm wondering where I will find the energy? Where will I find the time? The evenings are so short as it is...and we haven't even begun extracurriculars like soccer and piano lessons for the girls, yet. Still, I keep reminding myself that others are in the same boat. They lived and survived; so will I.

Preparing for a New School Year: Meal Planning

Recently, I mentioned that I was trying to make meal-planning a bit simpler. Well, apparently there's nothing like getting a full-time job to put your organizational efforts into hyper-drive! Here's what I've been doing to get prepared for the new school year:

Purse-Sized Meal Planning Grocery/Recipe Cards
Inspired after reading Nannygoat's 30 day meal plan, I downloaded some trendy & stylish recipe cards (here) and filled them out the most commonly eaten meals in our home. On the cards, I also included suggestions for vegetables and side dishes which are often a difficult decision in themselves. Since I made the JPG recipe cards and filled them out using Adobe Photoshop, I decided to send them to my local photolab for printing. I am slipping them into a small 4x6 photo album and will carry them in my purse. Now, when I'm out shopping, I can make sure I don't forget to buy that one pesky ingredient that I always seem to forget!

Once a Month Cooking (or OMAC)
I've heard a lot about Once a Month Cooking over the years. I've always meant to give it a try, but lacked the motivation and/or a free day to devote to cooking. However, the combination of the husband being out of town on Friday-Saturday and my desire to get things together before my first day on the job Monday gave me an opportunity to try it this weekend. The basic premise is that you buy groceries in bulk, spend a day cooking said groceries, package for freezing and enjoy your bounty of prepared meals out of the freezer for days to come. Many people actually try to make enough meals for an entire month, but I decided just to cook as much as I could and call it "good."

The most important part of this OMAC thing is the menu planning/grocery list stage. I spent many hours on the internet looking up recipes and tips for freezing. I found most of my recipes at recipezaar.com where you can search "OMAC" or "make ahead" and find loads of recipes. Some people plan their meals based on which meats are on sale, but I simply chose things my family would actually eat. Then, I made out a huge grocery list and divided it by the sections in our grocery store (fresh, cold, frozen, canned) to help find things quickly and easily. I was dreading the trip to the store. In my mind, I imagined that it would take hours on end to find everything. However, since I went at the end of a long day of back-to-school shopping and I was ready to get home, I simply stuck to my list and got out rather quickly. I was also dreading the final tally on the check-out receipt, but it was actually just bit over what a typical excursion to the grocery costs. (Another reason why people like OMAC: it prevents waste and saves money in the end.)

Saturday was cooking day, and--I'll be honest--it was a long one. I started cooking at 8 a.m. and finished at 4 p.m. I'm sure I could have been a bit better with my cooking organization and saved time, but my "method" was to look around and ask, "What needs to be cooked next?" I also had two little kitchen elves who were a great help (and it felt good to be teaching them some cooking skills). I had to overcome my desire to constantly clean up and, instead, waited until the end of the day to clean up just once (though I did wash some dishes along the way). I used all my resources including my trusty crock pot and my bread maker. Here's what I ended up with at the end of the day (links provided to the recipes I used):

*Meat for tacos/spaghetti
*1 Chicken & Rice Casserole
*10 Breakfast Burritos (will do more after we see how they taste post-freezer)
*Shredded chicken (to use in casseroles or soups)
*6 Calzones (using this bread maker dough recipe)
*Pulled Pork for sandwiches (frozen in individual servings for lunches)
*Chicken Relleno (a new recipe, but quite tasty)
*6 Hamburger Steaks
*2 packages of homemade chicken broth (left from cooking chicken)
*10 slices of breakfast sausage (ready to be microwaved for a quick meal)
*Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread (thanks to my parent's overflowing garden--we made muffins instead of loaves)
*Fried Rice with Chicken (actually, I have the rice ready but I need to finish this meal today)
*2 packages of brown rice to be used as a side

I also froze pork chops and a roast beef that can be thawed and thrown into the crock pot. And, while I was at it, I decided to try my hand at Sticky Roast Chicken which I prepared and will be cooking for lunch today.

Yes, it was a long day, but I feel a little more under control and relieved knowing that, if all else fails, there is something in the freezer to eat!

Big Changes Ahead

First, I had to make the transition from "Mama" to "University Mama." Then, I had to get used to commuting three times a week rather than twice a week. Then, I had to figure out how handle summertime and summer school. After that, I had to get into "life-after-college" mode when I finished my undergraduate studies, and quickly transitioned into accepting "life-in-graduate-school." Then, there were the three weeks where I had to remember how to live in a dorm and eat in a college cafeteria. Yep, I'd say I've had to make plenty of changes and adjustments over the past three years....but none as big as this one.

After 11 years of being primarily a SAHM (stay at home mom), I'm going back to work full-time!

I was excited to learn that I'd been hired as a library aid at our school. This is excellent on-the-job training for me (not to mention that I'm now getting paid for practicum hours I needed to fulfill anyway). A great resume booster and I'll be working with a top-notch librarian. For someone in my position who is studying to be a librarian, you really couldn't ask for more.

While my photography business has kept me busy, I've never had a steady work routine. I've always had the freedom to schedule doctor's appointments or hair cuts during the day. I've never had to fight the crowds at the grocery store when the hungry masses are just getting off work. I've always been able to leave town for anything from funerals to visits to old friends without major scheduling issues, even while a student at the university. I realize that those days are over to some extent, and that I will have to make significant changes in the way I do things.

I guess a part of me is a little sad to see the SAHM part of my life pass by. It was good while it lasted, but my girls aren't so little anymore. Our plan was for me to stay home until our youngest went to kindergarten. I did, and now it's time for the next step in life. To be honest, I do perform better when I'm adhering to a fixed, regular schedule.

Then, there's the part of me who is nervous about juggling graduate studies with a full-time job. I've always felt sorry for my classmates, most of whom are full-time teachers trying to get homework done while finishing their lesson plans, too. Still, I should be grateful that as an aid, I will not have such a significant work-load. I don't even have to be at school on teacher in-service days or anything.

There are so many questions and ideas and plans rolling around in my head these days, I can hardly sleep. Monday--my first day on the job--will be here soon. I feel like there's so much to do to get ready!

All Quiet on the Homefront

Back in June, I didn't think it would be possible to totally forget about school, but I'm proud to say that I have successfully managed to do so in July! The first few weeks of July were insanely busy with work, community and church projects and/or travels. Last week, we packed our bags and headed to the beach for our annual family vacation on the Gulf of Mexico. It was wonderful. As I laid on the sandy beach in the warm sunshine and listened to the waves crashing on the shore as my kids and husband giggled having fun in the background I realized something: I was RELAXED. I wasn't worried about anything. I read a stack of books just because I wanted to not because I had to for a class. I had no idea what time it was, and I didn't care. I wasn't even thinking about anything in particular, I was just enjoying myself and the simple pleasures of life. Times like those are so rare in my busy life. I wish there were more, but I understand that the rarity of those moments is also what makes them so valuable and treasured.

There are only a few weeks--maybe three?--until class begins again. I've tried to clear my work schedule so that I can get a few household organization and cleaning chores completed before the school year begins. Today, I'm trying to organize an easier way for menu planning and grocery shopping (something that I hate to do and always seems to suck away my time). I'm currently reading about Nannygoat's 30 Meals Plan and also checking out new recipes at $5 Dinners. My biggest obstacle is finding recipes that coordinate with our family's lifestyle eating (lower carbs, no refined or processed foods, lots of veggies, etc.). Any of you non-traditional college students have any recommendations on menu planning, healthy eating and/or simplifying grocery shopping?

My To-Do List

1. Finish proofing almost 200 engagement & bridal photos
2. Create blog post for engagement photos sneak peek
3. Get oil changed and tires checked in the car that will be making the four hour drive to campus this weekend
4. Go to the dreaded Wal-Mart to purchase snacks and supplies for the kiddos and myself for our travels next week
5. Get caught up on "regular" laundry before husband and daughter return from youth camp with mounds of dirty clothes
6. Finish reading the book club selection, "Copper Sun" by Sharon Draper so I can return the book before leaving Sunday
7. Figure out what I'll need for three weeks in a dorm (maybe it would be easier to decide what to leave at home!) and pack it
8. Pack my two children who will be visiting friends and my sister in Texas and attending day camp next week
9. Buy a few groceries for the hubby so he won't starve (or eat out)
10. Exercise (I missed the last two days because of our busy schedules)
11. Create "gag gift" for a friend's birthday as payback for a Christmas stunt
12. Make a notebook for the babysitter with all the do's, don'ts and "where to find it" information
13. Fill out day camp enrollment forms, make out checks for said camp and copy insurance cards
14. Clean out vehicle
15. Put away all photography gear from this week's sessions
16. Make a deposit at the bank (10 miles away)
17. Get a pedicure!!! (I promised little daughter we'd have a "girl party" while Daddy & big sis was away)
18. Clean house (the chore that never leaves my to-do list, so it seems)
19. Water garden
20. Breathe

Getting Off the Hamster Wheel

Here we are at the end of another productive yet absolutely CRAZED semester.

Last week, my husband and I took a cruise to celebrate our 10th anniversary (it was two years ago--we're a little late) & the completion of my undergraduate degree. I left my cell phone at home and only checked e-mail once a day for five minutes in order to send a message to my kids back home. While I was on the trip, I enjoyed laying in the sun and reading (for leisure!), listening to music or napping. I enjoyed long, three-course meals and sharing interesting conversation with strangers. I enjoyed walking around a small Mexican village, watching the locals who obviously had fewer possessions and money but seemed equally (or more!) happy with life.

However, it wasn't until I got home that I realized how truly unburdened I had been on that trip. When I am at home, I feel compelled to check e-mail and Facebook twenty or more times a day. Many days, I don't enjoy the sunshine or feel the breeze because I am sitting behind a computer all day. When I am at home, my cell phone is in my possession almost 24 hours a day and I feel compelled to answer it each and every time it rings. When I am at home, I live and die by a calendar--never are there unstructured days for "wandering"--and taking a nap would just lead to guilt that time would have been better spent doing something besides sleeping.

Even worse, every time I travel, especially outside of the United States, I come home so frustrated by the things that occupy our time and thoughts....the things that we fuss and fight over/for...the things that we consider most important. Those things, for the most part, are utter ridiculousness. In the grand scheme of life, they are foolish things that don't really matter.

I am certain that life is for more than a busy calendar. I'm sure that I'm supposed to have enough quiet, unhurried time in a day to have thoughts or rest or simple pleasures. I know for a fact that I shouldn't feel like a hamster in a wheel.

I have decided that something needs to change in my life and I'm trying to figure out the best way to clear out the clutter and simplify my life somewhat. Waiting for the "next semester" or the "next stage of life" obviously doesn't work--getting to the next stage means things are just different, not less busy in my experience.

Right now, the best bet for simplification seems to be to shut down my photography business. My business is definitely "small" in all aspects of the word, but it can be very time consuming nevertheless. Though I have been mulling it over for a week (actually, I mull it over every year, it seems), I am still hesitant to do away with it completely for several reasons:

a) it provides income
b) people respect and enjoy the work I do
c) other than motherhood, I have held this position longer than any other job
d) it gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment

This business has been my baby, my brainchild, my sweat and tears. Even though my hectic lifestyle prevents me from enjoying the work like I once did, it is difficult to say the words, "I'm done."

Also, there is the money matter. I am preparing to enter the teaching world. Education, as we all know, is not a particularly lucrative field. In fact, right now it takes me a month of substitute teaching (averaging twice or three times a week) to make similar take-home pay as one photography session. Now, before you start to think that photographers are making a killing and robbing you blind, let me tell you about one major difference. In education, I walk away at the end of the day with no further obligations (well, more-so than some professions--no job is 100% this way). With photography, the time committed for a photo session is just the beginning. I spend much, much more time editing, cropping, posting to the web, fulfilling orders, etc. Do you know what that means? There is no separation between home and work for me. Between my university classes, substitute teaching, hauling kids to ballgames, church obligations and the like, I crave time at home to be just that: time at home and nothing else. Besides, money isn't everything.

All this to say, I think I am on the verge of making a very important decision. It both relieves me and scares me, but something must be done. You know something is not right when you find yourself envying simple life of the Mexican senorita who sits on the sidewalk mashing masa and selling tortillas from an egg crate!

Crunch Time

My instinct told me to hold off on getting ahead on any assignments this semester. My instinct served me well. Turns out, my professor is swamped with grading and decided to negotiate off a couple of major projects. WHEW! I really can breathe easier now. AND....I'm on the downhill slide of the semester!!

I really don't understand why this semester has been so incredibly busy that I can barely keep up with blogging. I mean, is 9 hours of graduate school really twice as hard as 18 hours of undergradate hours? I really don't think that's the case, but the evidence points otherwise, I suppose. I am working more than I have in previous semesters (I think), so maybe that is a major player as well. Regardless, I hope to find some time soon to share my reading list as promised. Until then...happy studies!

Blah.

Today I've felt terrible. Thank goodness I didn't have to work or be anywhere. I'm lounging around in my yoga pants and trying to get a leg up on my homework which overfloweth. After our face-to-face class meeting this week, I found out that my videoed book talk is late (even though the professor e-mailed me saying that it wasn't due until next week). Normally, I would freak out about this, but I've decided to take it all in stride. I'll send it in when I get it done tomorrow and I'll be sure to copy her e-mail just in case. And, if she still decides to take off for tardiness, I don't care. This class (or should I say, the class schedule) has been so confusing, I'm no longer striving for perfection.

I do, however, admit to being a little panicked. My family is supposed to be out of town this weekend, so I'm not sure what that means for the homework I have left to do. I know I can get some of it done on Sunday afternoon. I plan to carry my laptop with me, but I will have limited internet connectivity. I'm a little overwhelmed right now, I must admit. Homework is piling up as is the laundry and I have several obligations (one is an article I am supposed to be writing for a major trade magazine plus I'm supposed to be designing several pages for a photo directory in addition to all the "regular stuff" I'm a part of). I'm trying to keep my eyes on the prize: the cruise that my husband is taking me on for our 10th anniversary (that we celebrated 2 years ago) and as part of my graduation gift. I can't wait until April!!!

Stop the Clock!

Time is a mystery to me. When I was commuting to school three times a week this spring, I felt like there was never enough time to get things done...yet, I still managed to work, minimally keep up with housework and shuttle my kids to their activities. So far this semester, I only go to class once a week (and not even weekly, at that) and I am working less than usual. In fact, I have not actively been booking photo sessions at all lately. Yet, I feel even MORE pressed for time. I can't figure this out. Surely I don't have more assignments than I did when I was taking 18 undergrad hours. Maybe my classwork is more time intensive? Whatever it is, I sometimes wish I could stop the clock for a few hours to play catch-up. Whenever things get rushed and crazy, I find it even harder to concentrate. I find myself hopping from one activity to another without wrapping up the first (that is why I am blogging in my sweaty work-out clothes rather than taking a shower).

But the fact is, time marches on and so must I...

Internet Courses: A Love/Hate Relationship

I have a love/hate relationship with internet courses. On one hand, they make life so much easier. I mean, I can do my classwork while sitting in bed in my pajamas, or after I've just worked out when no humans would dare to be near my smelly, unsightly self. I can even do my classwork while I'm traveling. It's super handy. On the other hand, you are basically left to teach yourself. Remember the old Mike Myers sketch "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman?" It's sometimes as if a teacher posts all the necessary information along with a syllabus, then in true Linda Richman fashion says, "Okay...talk amongst yourselves."

I feel like I've spent most of my week trying to sort through all of my class information and create some sort of workable schedule. I still haven't successfully managed to do that because there have been so many changes to the syllabi and, adding to the confusion, several different reading lists are floating around.

It's frustrating! I feel like I'm spinning wheels even though I'm trying to get ahead. For instance, I managed to read a couple of books this week (working on a third) and have written partial book reviews for them. I thought I was doing pretty well since--by my calculations--I need to average two per week. I also made arrangements for my observation & book talk times next week (which requires me to read another book in preparation for that). However, last night I got a call from a classmate concerned about an assignment that she found online that is supposed to be due on Monday. I'm glad she called it to my attention because in all the syllabus-change confusion, I had no idea that it needed to be done this week!

I hope that after next week's face-to-face class, I will have a better handle of the flow to these classes. Ironically, the one class that I'm taking that is entirely online is easily managed; it has a definite "flow" already. Of course, that may be due to the fact that it is a class about online education methods!

When the Best Laid Plans Go Astray

The plan: spend all weekend in stretchy pants wearing no makeup and looking too scary to leave the house, thus propelling myself to sit in front of the computer for hours and complete the projects for my guided study which are due on Friday.

The reality: I brought my book home, but left my project CD (I'm creating projects from graphics & photos that are on the CD that came with my textbook) & my USB drive at school. School is 60 miles away. Professor is out of town, thus unable to unlock the computer lab where all my goodies are located.

The back-up plan: I don't have one! I'm really stressed out about all this. I spent over an hour working on one project yesterday; they are pretty time intensive. I have somewhere around 12 projects left...you do the math.

On one hand, I feel kind of liberated from the school shackles that I had planned to be wearing. Suddenly, I have a weekend of nothingness to look forward to. That mean I can tackle mountains of laundry or do some online Christmas shopping or work on editing a last batch of photos.

On the other hand, I'm restraining panic right now. I HAVE to complete this project or I won't graduate! If worse comes to worse, I will sacrifice my 4.0 GPA this semester on the alter of "getting it done" and just turn in enough to pass satisfactorily....but it won't make me a very happy girl.

Deep breaths...deep breaths....I think I can handle this.

Group Projects

Group projects: you either love 'em or hate 'em.

If you love 'em it's because...you are a slacker hoping to get a good grade with minimal effort on your part by allowing your group mates to do all the work.

If you hate 'em it's because...you fear being "stuck" with a slacker and having to do all the work on your own lest it jeopardize your grade. You also probably hate the possibility of spending extra time outside of the classroom working on projects and/or the difficulties associated with trying to coordinate a bunch of incompatible schedules to do so.

I have always disliked group projects. Even when I was a "true freshman" I hated them. Back then, I was working crazy hours--sometimes up to forty hours a week. I barely had time for "regular" homework, much less anything extra time consuming. Plus, I felt out of place. All of my group mates didn't have jobs which meant that they had plenty of time on their hands to meet whenever they wanted; I was the only holdup. It was frustrating.

When I started back to school, I still disliked the thought of group projects mostly I because I worried about being paired with kids who could care less about school and don't mind sabotaging my GPA. (I'm clinching my jaws just thinking about it.) I also feared feeling out of place again, but in a different way. Nobody wants the "old folks" to be in their group, right?

I must admit, my back-t0-college experience has been the opposite of what I expected. The traditional-aged students have been welcoming if not downright befriending to me. In one class, my constant partner and I are "PB&J" because we work together so well and totally depend on one another. In another group project, I'm paired with three girls who are probably ten years my junior (I got a reality check when they all admitted to being too young to remember much of the Columbine shootings--I was pregnant with my first child when that happened!), but we have a great time studying together, encouraging one another and laughing...a lot. Plus, I know that I can count on these girls to do their part and they are as concerned about making a good grade as I am.

For me, group projects are no longer a thing to dread because I'm having so much fun doing them! Maybe the key is that my professors let us pick our own groups and that has allowed us to pair up complimentary personalities.

You Can't Have it All (Or Things That Have Suffered Since I Returned to College)

Hate to break it to you people, but you can't have it all despite what they tell you. Sure, I have a family, a job and attend college full-time, but there are plenty of things that have suffered along the way.


Diet & Exercise

Throughout most of the year, I have done really well turning my eating and exercise habits around, but the past two months have really taken a toll on them. There never seems to be enough hours in a day, so exercise is the easiest thing to skip on my "to-do" list. Eating well has also gone on the backburner because it takes so long to plan ahead and prepare healthy, balanced meals (keeping fresh items in stock when you live in the country can be pretty challenging). Somehow, I've managed to maintain (even lose!) weight this semester, but I don't feel as healthy or strong. I have a feeling that I'm losing the muscle mass that I worked hard to build and my skin just doesn't look as healthy. I'm not eating well and I'm not drinking enough water. Since I'm in class through lunch, I usually have a fountain drink and a package of carbs or nuts on the way home as my pitiful meal replacement. I used to pack a sandwich lunch and apple, but I can't even manage to get that together each morning. I'm not eating a hearty breakfast anymore (though I never skip breakfast entirely) and my family's dinner is, more often than I'd like to admit, just thrown together at the last minute. I'm frustrated with myself and my inability to get out of bed at 6 a.m. to exercise, but late nights and long days have weakened my will power.

Laundry

The universal thorn in a woman's side: laundry. It seems like when I finally get to the bottom of my laundry pile, it only takes a day or two before it is out of control again. Why is that? It's so annoying! I've tried doing XX loads per day or doing a marathon laundry session, but inevitably, it gets the best of me. I have encouraged my husband to get a "spare" wife whose sole duty would be to tend to our laundry, but he doesn't seem too interested.

Parenting

I'm honest enough to admit it--my parenting skills have not been as stellar as I'd like them to be. I've denied my kids' requests to help with knitting projects or postponed storytelling time on occasion. They often get in bed later than I want (I'm talking 9:30 instead of 9, but still...). I can't seem to get them to the hairdresser often enough. I sometimes forget to check their homework folders until it is almost too late (because I use the time they spend outside playing with the neighbor kids to do homework). So, okay...I'm not a terrible parent or anything, but I am getting a little sloppier than I'd like on the Mama end.

Entertainment

I find that there is SO much going on in my life, it is hard to just "chill" because there is always something I could be doing. It's been a while since I've watched an entire movie or read a book (for recreation) because those things are pretty time-intensive. I do have one saving grace: the DVR. Husband and I usually record our favorite sitcoms and watch one or two before bedtime most evenings. Even when I could be working, I try to take a sitcom break with the husband because a little something is better than nothing.

Relationships
I used to be the kind of girl that remembered everyone's birthday, wrote letters to grandparents and shared photos of my kids with friends. These days, my family blog has been neglected for months in lieu of homework, I rarely remember a birthday (until its too late) and my grandparents get their updates on the family through the grapevine. I really hate these changes and I'm hoping that this too shall pass when I no longer have class projects or crazy commutes.

To give credit where credit is definitely due, my husband has been a real champ throughout this university journey. He has filled in the gaps during my inadequacies from laundry to housework to reading with the kids, and he even understands (and sometimes encourages) eating out when my plate is full. (No pun intended.)

If you are contemplating returning to school as a non-traditional college student, you should definitely consider who could be the "gap filler" in your life. You may have plenty of cheerleaders, but "gap fillers" are what you really need to be successful both in the classroom and in life.

A Good End to a Bad Month

October was a terrible month. It was a want-to-pull-my-hair-out-slightly-overwhelmed-and/or-exhausted kind of month. Translation: "I've never been so happy to see November!"

No matter how crappy the month may have been, I've got to admit that it ended--and November started--on a good note due to the following:

*Professor and I figured out an alternative route for the guided study classes that I am taking (the extremely time-consuming ones that I feared I would never complete).

*I came home to a SPOTLESS house that my husband had graciously cleaned on his day off. Walking into a clean home always melts the stress away. I was able to let go of all those nagging "undones" (well, all except the nagging laundry "undones").

*My sister came to visit.

*I enjoyed the yearly hayride/trick-or-treating with a trailer bed full of friends from our small town...and we were able to leave our coats and hot chocolate at home this year!

*My best friend and her son drove up from Texas like a stealth bomber and made a totally surprise visit (in coordination with my sis and hubby). It was like having a surprise birthday party except without the "growing older" part (yes, she even brought dessert!).

*Said friends and family members helped me eat all of the children's Halloween chocolate quickly so I wouldn't be tempted by it for a week. I know...it's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it! Don't worry--we left plenty of Starburst and Skittles for the kids; I'm not tempted by that at all. (lol!)

*I went to see High School Muscial 3 at the theatre with the kiddos. I'm not gonna lie: I'm a fan. It was cute.

*I went for a drive in the country and enjoyed the beautiful autumn leaves.

*I relaxed.

*I got an extra hour of sleep thanks to Daylight Saving Time.

Moral of the story: there's never anything so bad that a little time with friends, family or a pillow can't improve.

So, bring it on, November...I'm ready for you.

Mama Guilt

Today is Halloween and I'm in class today. My youngest daughter wasn't very happy that I wouldn't be able to attend her party at school. We did have the conversation about how lucky we have been that I have been able to attend almost (if not all) of her school functions since there are many mommies who can't because of their work schedules. Still, she still whined, "Can Daddy come to my party?" Thankfully, Daddy is stepping up to the plate (as he always does) and making baby girl happy, but that leaves me here, dealing with mama guilt. I know my kids will have to deal with disappointment in life and I know that I can't be all things to all people all the time, but the realization of these facts does not lessen the feelings of guilt.

I seriously considered skipping class today. What is more important: reviewing notes on communication theory or being a part of an event that is the highlight of my kid's month? My professor won't give me a big smile and hug when I walk into her classroom, but I would get that in my daughter's kindergarten class.

In the end, responsibility brought me to campus (I had my broadcast team's video and they wouldn't be able to work without it), but the whole shenanigan reminded me that freelancing after graduation might be the right path after all.

Hanging On

If...I....can....just...make...it....through....October....I think I might be able to survive....