Somwhere Between "Losing My Mind" and "Only Slightly Crazy"

Where in the world have I been? Well, those of you who are truly University Mamas and Papas wouldn't be asking that question because you know that my current location is somewhere between "Losing My Mind" and "Only Slightly Crazy." October and the first of November have been, in my experience, the hardest part of the school year (or any part of year, for that matter). On the personal end of things, our family begins to juggle basketball schedules, 4H competitions, holidays, special events at church and in the community, etc. It's like there is a mad dash to cram in a bunch of stuff while the weather is still partially nice and the Thanksgiving/Christmas rush hasn't started. On the school end of things, it always seems like the biggest projects and papers are due during October/November. Add all these things together, and you have a recipe for extreme stress overload.

I kid you not: there were many nights last month that I sat at my computer on the verge of tears and/or a heart attack. Okay...maybe not a heart attack, but perhaps a chest pain or two. You know the feeling where you could hyperventilate if you were the hyperventilating-type? You don't? Oh. Well, that's kind of what it felt like.

In summation, October was miserably stressful.

I quite literally survived by sending myself e-mails and setting alarms on my phone to remind me of things. Everything from orthodontist appointments to "thaw chicken" showed up in my phone and/or inbox.

Thank goodness for technology...and for a family who has stuck with me and chipped in throughout this crazy roller coaster ride. The best news is...the semester's almost done!!!


(P.S. If only I had one of those combo washer/dryers that begins drying a load after it's done with the wash cycle. That, my friends, is what I call harnessing the power of technology for REAL!)

This Is How My Brain Works Lately

i've got to finish my bibliography tongiht. i wonder if i have cited everything correctly. i really should double-check my guide. i need to email myself a reminder. i wonder what we should have for dinner? do we have any chicken in the freezer? do we have any milk? i really wish i had a big glass of chocolate milk right now. or milk chocolate! i have got to get my eating back under control. we were eating so much healthier when i wasn't working full time. wonder how i can keep my vegetables fresher longer. do they sell something for that? where am i going to find winter boots for the kids. what size do they wear now? i should just measure their feet. i need to keep a tape measure in my purse. or put their sizes into my phone. i wish i had a better phone. should i get a blackberry or an iphone or that new samsung thingy. has consumer reports reviewed them yet? i'd really like an iphone but i hear they're getting bad service. man, my back hurts. is it my shoes or plain ol' stress? i sure could use a massage. or a vacation. i'm really tired of whining about being tired and stressed. i wonder if next semester will be better. i hope so. because i'm tired. and stressed. wonder if there are any hershey bars left in the girls' halloween bags...?

The Homework Excuse

Do you ever find yourself using your student status to get out of obligations or events? I admit--I do it a lot. I'm not being dishonest when I say, "I really need to spend the weekend doing homework/studying," because there's ALWAYS something that I could be working on. However, in theory, it's entirely possible for me to set aside one evening and get all my work done so that I could enjoy a much-needed day off to sleep in, reorganize closets or just hang out with my family. While people may understand (and, indeed, pity) my full schedule, they don't seem as willing to accept a response of "I can't do [fill-in-the-blank] because I just need a day where I don't have anything scheduled." They may say, "Oh, I understand," but their eyes say, "You just don't want to do it." That's why I use the homework excuse like a crutch.

As I write, it is lunchtime on Saturday and I am still in my pajamas. I haven't accomplished much other than eating the great breakfast my hubby prepared and washing one load of clothes. I tried to go back to bed and get a little extra sleep; that didn't work, but I read a chapter of a non-assigned novel instead. Oh--and I made a trip to the grocery. I can think of a long list of things I NEED or COULD be doing, but I don't mind admitting that I need some laid-back days like this to keep my nerves in check.

I'm already beginning to wonder....what will life be like without the homework excuse to fall back on? I've been able to pass out the homework excuse for almost three years now. I think I'm going to miss it. I guess I'm going to have to learn the art of saying "no"--gasp!

Tiny Victories

It occurred to me that I spend too much time on this blog complaining. I tend to use it as a outlet for my frustration and exhaustion because I know many of you out there in blog land are nodding your heads and saying, "Amen, sister! I know exactly how you feel!" Yes, there are a lot of obstacles juggling a family, a full-time job and a (nearly) full-time class load. Yes, it can be overwhelming. Yes, it sometimes feels like full-time failure because so many things get left undone. It's easy for me to feel defeated at the end of the day because it never seems like my "to do" list gets any smaller. But despite what I sometimes feel, I still manage to accomplish some things.

For example, today I:

*mowed the lawn while my hubby was away on business
*had a "heart-to-heart" with The Eldest and dealt out some parental discipline (I feel like she's learned a lesson and it won't happen again)
*helped a teacher find some educational research to help validate a very important program at our school
*washed one load of laundry (hey, it's something)
*helped The Youngest get her pig-sty room cleaned up
*unloaded the dishwasher and started a new load
*cooked dinner (though sadly, it was lacking in any veggies...but it still counts!)
*read "The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks" for 15 minutes (my "pleasure reading" for the day)
*read my daily Bible Study
*exercised for 20 minutes (not including mowing the lawn)
*helped the kids with their homework
*read a bedtime story to The Youngest

Victory!!! Tiny victories, but victories nonetheless. From now on, I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective.

Three Day Weekends: We Should Have More of Them!

Labor Day always used to feel like a wasted holiday. It always falls a week or two after school starts (or only a few days after school starts, for some), and it made me wish we could save it for February or some other bleak month when there are no holidays. However, this year I must say I am very grateful for the 3-day weekend, and it couldn't have come at a better time. My coursework has been very heavy lately (hence no blogging, if you've noticed). Last Thursday night, I devoted the evening to finishing up some school projects so that I could enjoy my weekend without cracking a book.

The weird thing is, I have this compulsion to check the discussion boards for my classes constantly now that we are entirely online. It's as if I'm afraid I'm going to miss something. That being said, I wasn't sure that I'd be able to stay away from my laptop...but I did! I made it all the way to Sunday morning (when I just popped in to make sure my group member had posted our project on the discussion board). Progress! I got back on this evening, but only because I felt that I had done sufficient relaxing. I visited my sister and my best friend in Texas, went shopping, took the kids to the water park, played tennis with the hubby, read a book (for pleasure!), and [insert dramatic pause here]...I slept in this morning. Heaven!

I'm trying not to think about the upcoming weeks which look to be VERY busy both at work and at school. Why ruin a moment?

I just know one thing: three day weekends are wonderful, and we should have more of them!

Playing Catch-Up

Weekends are for rest and relaxation, right? Then why am I spending it playing "catch-up?" I'm catching up on homework, catching up on laundry, catching up on quality time with the kids...and I'm STILL not caught up! Maybe I should just accept the fact that I never will be. Motherhood seems to be one of those occupations where there is no "I'm finished!" moment followed by permission to kick up your heels and relax.

Still, I am feeling a bit better now that I started a day without being woken up by an alarm clock. It also feels good that I've somewhat gotten a handle on my homework. I am concerned about a couple of things (one being a group project--only two other people have communicated with me about it, we haven't started anything and it's due next week). I keep thinking that if I can just get through a couple of weeks, I'll begin to get back into the rhythm and flow of things....or at least figure out the homework schedule.

On the upside, I'm SO glad I took my professor's advice and dropped a class before the semester began. First of all, I'd never be able to handle 12 hours of classes and a full-time job (especially since the class was a research class).

Another piece of good news is that the Education class I am taking for my teacher certification does not have assignment due dates; the only rule is that assignments must be completed in corresponding order. Then again, maybe this is bad news. I'd really hate for December to roll around when I'm being blasted with the Christmas holiday rush and suddenly realize that I've put off all of those assignments while trying to stay afloat in my graduate classes!

At any rate, I don't feel guilty hanging out with my kiddos, watching iCarly and painting our toenails tonight. At least I've caught up enough to do that!

My Brain Feels Like Scrambled Eggs.

Let's see if I can make a cohesive sentence or two....

Have you ever felt like your brain is just a glob of scrambled eggs? Have you ever really tried to concentrate on something but felt like you were wading through a fog? Have you ever read one passage over and over in circles...and gotten nowhere?

This is how I've felt for the past few days. Actually, my days have been starting off fairly well. I'm not even complaining about the wee hours of the morning that I must get out of bed. But somewhere after 2 p.m., my thoughts become a little less defined. I think it's partly a drop in blood sugar, partly my body's realization that I need a nap and partly the thought of going home to tackle homework and grad school classes.

Since classes began last week, I have met my fair share of confusion and frustration. While I am truly thankful for web-based classes, they are the most frustrating thing in the world if you have a professor who is not on top of his/her game. You have to be VERY structured and VERY prepared if you are going to teach a web class. That, sadly, is not always the case. So, I have been dealing with the typical start-of-the-semester chaos AND trying to figure out, "Exactly what do you want me to do?" The latter has been made extremely difficult in some cases (in one class, we were given last year's syllabus...with last year's assignment deadline dates on them!). To make matters worse, some of my best study buddies that I meet at summer school have been moved into other class sections. (We are crying, "Conspiracy!"--lol!). I'm so thankful that I am not a first year student in this grad program or I would be lost. Sadly, I kind of know how things operate, so I just roll my eyes and keep on trudging through.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of instituting a daily toast regimen to complement my scrambled egg brains. :)