Somwhere Between "Losing My Mind" and "Only Slightly Crazy"

Where in the world have I been? Well, those of you who are truly University Mamas and Papas wouldn't be asking that question because you know that my current location is somewhere between "Losing My Mind" and "Only Slightly Crazy." October and the first of November have been, in my experience, the hardest part of the school year (or any part of year, for that matter). On the personal end of things, our family begins to juggle basketball schedules, 4H competitions, holidays, special events at church and in the community, etc. It's like there is a mad dash to cram in a bunch of stuff while the weather is still partially nice and the Thanksgiving/Christmas rush hasn't started. On the school end of things, it always seems like the biggest projects and papers are due during October/November. Add all these things together, and you have a recipe for extreme stress overload.

I kid you not: there were many nights last month that I sat at my computer on the verge of tears and/or a heart attack. Okay...maybe not a heart attack, but perhaps a chest pain or two. You know the feeling where you could hyperventilate if you were the hyperventilating-type? You don't? Oh. Well, that's kind of what it felt like.

In summation, October was miserably stressful.

I quite literally survived by sending myself e-mails and setting alarms on my phone to remind me of things. Everything from orthodontist appointments to "thaw chicken" showed up in my phone and/or inbox.

Thank goodness for technology...and for a family who has stuck with me and chipped in throughout this crazy roller coaster ride. The best news is...the semester's almost done!!!


(P.S. If only I had one of those combo washer/dryers that begins drying a load after it's done with the wash cycle. That, my friends, is what I call harnessing the power of technology for REAL!)

Blessed Spring Break

It's here! It's here! I'm glad to see spring break finally arrive, but at the same time, it's aggravating. There will be no relaxing on this spring break because I will be working every day but one. There will not be much of a break from homework on this spring break because I have a seven page in-depth study due on the Monday following break. Needless to say, it hard to get too excited about Spring Break.

That's okay. I'm holding out for the cruise hubby and I are taking next month.

As for classes, they are as frustrating as they ever were. I seriously have never been so frustrated with a professor. I've had professors who have bothered me with their point-of-view, general disorganization, pity for the slacker and so on, but I've never had a professor that makes it hard to do well simply because the expectations are not clear. I'm very concerned about taking any more internet classes with this specific professor. My saving grace has been ITV classes where we sort everything out. I won't have that with web-only classes (which are coming this fall).

But back to spring break....it's here. I'm glad. The end.

Blah.

Today I've felt terrible. Thank goodness I didn't have to work or be anywhere. I'm lounging around in my yoga pants and trying to get a leg up on my homework which overfloweth. After our face-to-face class meeting this week, I found out that my videoed book talk is late (even though the professor e-mailed me saying that it wasn't due until next week). Normally, I would freak out about this, but I've decided to take it all in stride. I'll send it in when I get it done tomorrow and I'll be sure to copy her e-mail just in case. And, if she still decides to take off for tardiness, I don't care. This class (or should I say, the class schedule) has been so confusing, I'm no longer striving for perfection.

I do, however, admit to being a little panicked. My family is supposed to be out of town this weekend, so I'm not sure what that means for the homework I have left to do. I know I can get some of it done on Sunday afternoon. I plan to carry my laptop with me, but I will have limited internet connectivity. I'm a little overwhelmed right now, I must admit. Homework is piling up as is the laundry and I have several obligations (one is an article I am supposed to be writing for a major trade magazine plus I'm supposed to be designing several pages for a photo directory in addition to all the "regular stuff" I'm a part of). I'm trying to keep my eyes on the prize: the cruise that my husband is taking me on for our 10th anniversary (that we celebrated 2 years ago) and as part of my graduation gift. I can't wait until April!!!

When the Best Laid Plans Go Astray

The plan: spend all weekend in stretchy pants wearing no makeup and looking too scary to leave the house, thus propelling myself to sit in front of the computer for hours and complete the projects for my guided study which are due on Friday.

The reality: I brought my book home, but left my project CD (I'm creating projects from graphics & photos that are on the CD that came with my textbook) & my USB drive at school. School is 60 miles away. Professor is out of town, thus unable to unlock the computer lab where all my goodies are located.

The back-up plan: I don't have one! I'm really stressed out about all this. I spent over an hour working on one project yesterday; they are pretty time intensive. I have somewhere around 12 projects left...you do the math.

On one hand, I feel kind of liberated from the school shackles that I had planned to be wearing. Suddenly, I have a weekend of nothingness to look forward to. That mean I can tackle mountains of laundry or do some online Christmas shopping or work on editing a last batch of photos.

On the other hand, I'm restraining panic right now. I HAVE to complete this project or I won't graduate! If worse comes to worse, I will sacrifice my 4.0 GPA this semester on the alter of "getting it done" and just turn in enough to pass satisfactorily....but it won't make me a very happy girl.

Deep breaths...deep breaths....I think I can handle this.

Crunch Time

I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm excited. I'm exhausted. I'm working like a madwoman. I'm sad. I'm drained....

...but I'm almost a college graduate.

You Can't Have it All (Or Things That Have Suffered Since I Returned to College)

Hate to break it to you people, but you can't have it all despite what they tell you. Sure, I have a family, a job and attend college full-time, but there are plenty of things that have suffered along the way.


Diet & Exercise

Throughout most of the year, I have done really well turning my eating and exercise habits around, but the past two months have really taken a toll on them. There never seems to be enough hours in a day, so exercise is the easiest thing to skip on my "to-do" list. Eating well has also gone on the backburner because it takes so long to plan ahead and prepare healthy, balanced meals (keeping fresh items in stock when you live in the country can be pretty challenging). Somehow, I've managed to maintain (even lose!) weight this semester, but I don't feel as healthy or strong. I have a feeling that I'm losing the muscle mass that I worked hard to build and my skin just doesn't look as healthy. I'm not eating well and I'm not drinking enough water. Since I'm in class through lunch, I usually have a fountain drink and a package of carbs or nuts on the way home as my pitiful meal replacement. I used to pack a sandwich lunch and apple, but I can't even manage to get that together each morning. I'm not eating a hearty breakfast anymore (though I never skip breakfast entirely) and my family's dinner is, more often than I'd like to admit, just thrown together at the last minute. I'm frustrated with myself and my inability to get out of bed at 6 a.m. to exercise, but late nights and long days have weakened my will power.

Laundry

The universal thorn in a woman's side: laundry. It seems like when I finally get to the bottom of my laundry pile, it only takes a day or two before it is out of control again. Why is that? It's so annoying! I've tried doing XX loads per day or doing a marathon laundry session, but inevitably, it gets the best of me. I have encouraged my husband to get a "spare" wife whose sole duty would be to tend to our laundry, but he doesn't seem too interested.

Parenting

I'm honest enough to admit it--my parenting skills have not been as stellar as I'd like them to be. I've denied my kids' requests to help with knitting projects or postponed storytelling time on occasion. They often get in bed later than I want (I'm talking 9:30 instead of 9, but still...). I can't seem to get them to the hairdresser often enough. I sometimes forget to check their homework folders until it is almost too late (because I use the time they spend outside playing with the neighbor kids to do homework). So, okay...I'm not a terrible parent or anything, but I am getting a little sloppier than I'd like on the Mama end.

Entertainment

I find that there is SO much going on in my life, it is hard to just "chill" because there is always something I could be doing. It's been a while since I've watched an entire movie or read a book (for recreation) because those things are pretty time-intensive. I do have one saving grace: the DVR. Husband and I usually record our favorite sitcoms and watch one or two before bedtime most evenings. Even when I could be working, I try to take a sitcom break with the husband because a little something is better than nothing.

Relationships
I used to be the kind of girl that remembered everyone's birthday, wrote letters to grandparents and shared photos of my kids with friends. These days, my family blog has been neglected for months in lieu of homework, I rarely remember a birthday (until its too late) and my grandparents get their updates on the family through the grapevine. I really hate these changes and I'm hoping that this too shall pass when I no longer have class projects or crazy commutes.

To give credit where credit is definitely due, my husband has been a real champ throughout this university journey. He has filled in the gaps during my inadequacies from laundry to housework to reading with the kids, and he even understands (and sometimes encourages) eating out when my plate is full. (No pun intended.)

If you are contemplating returning to school as a non-traditional college student, you should definitely consider who could be the "gap filler" in your life. You may have plenty of cheerleaders, but "gap fillers" are what you really need to be successful both in the classroom and in life.

Hanging On

If...I....can....just...make...it....through....October....I think I might be able to survive....

Be Diligent

For high school graduates, going to college is mostly about learning how to manage life on your own without mom or dad or your really smart best friend, etc. doing all the work for you. "If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will do it for you." It was a lesson I learned a long time ago.

Applying those same principles to my college reentry, I have been very diligent about getting periodic degree checks through the Registrar's Office and double-checking with my advisor to make sure all of the requirements for graduation are on par. I'm sure I have tipped a "9" on the annoying meter, but I'd really hate for my graduation plans to go down the drain because administrators who have their plates full didn't notice that I lacked a few hours or one of my credits didn't transfer properly.

Sometimes, being annoying, I mean, persistent pays off.

Two weeks before the fall semester began, I noticed that my total credits were three hours short. I contacted the Registrar for one last degree check (where they look over your transcripts vs. degree requirements and let you know what you have left to complete). They assured me that it was being looked into and I never heard back from them. So, I asked my advisor who was sure we had worked it all out at the end of the spring semester and who was pretty certain that it should be okay.

Guess who's taking three extra hours this semester? Me, that's who.

My advisor said he hated for me to have to pay for another three hours, but I told him I would hate to not get to graduate because I didn't pay for three lousy hours!

Luckily, I am taking three one-hour classes so they are not extremely labor intensive. They are also self-guided which means I can turn in the work whenever I complete it all, but I have until December. I'm thinking about devoting an entire weekend to it just to get rid of it.

So, I'm not super-psyched to be enrolled in 18 hours this semester, but it could be worse. One guy in my class is taking 21 hours...and he' married with two kids under two years old. Yikes!!

Be diligent when it comes to your education, people!

How the Economy Effects College Students

Maybe I should amend that title to say, "How the Economy Effects This College Student."

I've never been a person to get all out-of-shape about the economy. I mean, "what goes up, must come down," right? But I've got to tell you, with the rising cost of eggs, milk, gas, paper, EVERYTHING...it's starting to become a real bummer.

How has it effected me? Well, we sold our large SUV because we had to have something more fuel-efficient especially since I will spend the next two semesters putting 10,000 miles on a car just traveling to class and back.

Conveniently, since everything else is skyrocketing, tuition is also going up at least 9%. Man....couldn't they have waited a year? I would have everything finished in a year!!

Sometimes I think about how much money I would have saved had I finished my degree in my early 20s. Then again, even with a tuition hike I won't be anywhere near what tuition costs were for my first year of college back in 1995 when I was attending a private liberal arts school.

What am I complaining about anyway? I won't stop buying eggs. I won't stop buying gasoline. I won't stop paying for tuition.

It'd just be nice to have a little wiggle room, KWIM?

The End of Semester Crunch

I distinctly remember posting about how "dead" things were for me at the beginning of the semester. I also remember wondering if it would all come back to haunt me in an end of semester overload.

It did.

In fact, I had an awesome opportunity to fly down to Baton Rouge to shoot a wedding with another photographer this weekend, but I ended up having to stay at home with my butt glued to my office chair and my face planted in front of the computer.

I will resist morphing into Chicken Little ("The sky is falling! The sky is falling!") but some days, it feels like it is.

I'm scrambling to come up with enough hours for my internship (which I thought might be a problem), but I think it's going to work out after spending several more days in front of the computer and hoping that my butt doesn't become welded to my office chair like that lady on the toilet seat (Eww!)!

My husband cleared his calendar so he could have an official "do nothing" weekend and I was plenty jealous. But the show must go on...

Thank heavens there are only 3 class days left for me (one of which I will be missing this week).

Oh my gosh! THREE days left? Can my calendar be deceiving me? I've just gone into serious panic mode!!

The End Is In Sight....

Well it's not the end end, but it is the end of the semester! YAY!



November was a killer month for me. One of my professors promised in advance that he would give us heck in November, and I must admit that he kept his end of the bargain! I really was totally stressed out. My school work load was at its highest, my daughter was sick with two different illnesses during two weeks (interpret: I had to miss some classes), my grandmother passed away topped off with Thanksgiving holiday travels. I was on stress overload. I'm sure I've been equally or more stressed out at various times in my life, but nothing really comes to mind. I do know that, looking back, the things that really made me want to huddle in a corner and rock back & forth as a 19 year old freshmen are totally wimpy compared with grown-up stuff I must juggle now. I guess the difference is a little more maturity. Although, I must admit that maturity adds its own set of stresses. I used to be perfectly content to settle for a "B" and even the occasional "C" when I was younger, but it pains me to get less than an "A" now that I'm all grown up. In fact, there are many projects that I know I could get by with doing less on, but I can't force myself to turn in something that is lower than my expectations.

The wonderful, wonderful news is that I only have 3 more class days and one day of finals. HOORAY! I'm still pretty stressed out, but this time, it's due to the holiday crunch more than school work. At last, I feel like I can breathe a little easier because the end is in sight.

Good News/Bad News Kind of Week

Good News: Our professor said that if we completed our book by Monday at midnight, he would only require 42 pages instead of 60. I spent the weekend typing endlessly and managed to e-mail slightly over 42 pages at 10:30 p.m. Monday despite a pounding headache and eyes that felt like they were going to pop out of my head if I had to look at the computer screen for another minute.

Bad News: I cut out two chapters that I had written when the project first began & they contained several sentence formats that were required for the book. It will probably affect my grade....but I'm too exhausted to care too much.

Good News: I got my conference paper back (the 10-pager that has consumed my every thought for a month) and I got a B+. Even though I got nearly two full pages of commentary from the prof, including how it didn't really fit what he required in a conference paper, he did slip in one tiny sentence at the bottom of the page that said, "You are a good writer." There is hope yet!

Bad News: The 10-pager now has to be turned into a 15-pager...before next week.

Good News: Our school library is now carring books on CD, so I can listen to something interesting during my commute. I checked out "Emma" by Jane Austen.

Bad News: I got to listen to chapters one through four, and then my CD player held the CD hostage. It won't spit it out or play it. I have to have my radio removed and shipped to a plant in Dallas to have it fixed. I'm sure the CD will be ruined, which means I'll have to shell out cash for it. UGH!

Good News: I just realized that Thanksgiving break is next week.

Bad News: I just realized that Thanksgiving break is next week!!! I have to get Christmas gifts for extended family that I only see once a year, bake homemade goodies for a Thanksgiving Bake Sale, whip up something for our all-church Thanksgiving luncheon, on top of the baking I must do for the town celebration of our state centennial this weekend! AND, it's my husband's birthday next week. AND we have to make a one-way 8-hour drive for the holidays.....AND our DVD players got stolen out of our vehicle this week, so I have no idea how we will entertain children that long!!!


Good News: Since we will be gone for Thanksgiving break, there will be no student newspaper production next week, so we didn't have any article assignments this week.

Bad News: Actually, it's all good news on that one! Yay!

Bad News: My daughter got strep this week.

Good News: I had to stay home and miss a couple of classes on Tuesday morning, which allowed me to catch up on some much-neglected housework!

Good News: I had three photo sessions booked this week.

Bad News: I had three photo sessions booked this week....and it's hard catching up on all my editing! But the good news is, these are my final sessions for the year. I'm looking forward to resting for a while (or maybe taking pictures of my own family!)

Good News: I caught up on all the writing assignments which were dragging me down.

Bad News: I put off doing my Biology studies for almost 2 weeks, so tomorrow, I must spend ALL DAY in front of the computer listening to lectures, doing labs & taking quizzes. I think I have 5 labs and 3 quizzes to do by midnight or my grade will drop a full letter. YIKES!

Good News: Tonight is "TV night" in our household which means I get to watch a few of my favorite sitcoms. A good laugh and a soft pillow....there's no bad news there!!

It. Is. Finished.

My 10-page conference paper, that is. I swear--I sat in my office chair almost ALL DAY yesterday trying to write the final two paragraphs to no avail. I finally finished it and after about four minor tweaks, I finally got the sucker printed out sometime near midnight. Had my entire family not been asleep, tbere's a good chance that I would have been singing and dancing up and down our hallways.

But, alas, my joy is but temporary! The paper must be expanded into a 15-page journal article by Tuesday (well, a rough draft, that is). Plus, if I want to get out of writing the entire 60-page book, I must turn in a 42-page book by midnight Monday.

Now I have a real dilemma: spend my weekend doing homework so that I won't have to deal with even MORE homework later, or spend my weekend doing the things that I had already planned (like finishing my youngest daughter's "baby's first year" scrapbook that she has been begging me do complete).

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming....

I've gotta say....the past week or two has really been tough. Are schedules have been jam-packed with things and I have been on stress overload with my school work. Like Dory in Finding Nemo, I have to keep reminding myself to 'just keep swimming" and I will make it through.

I've been totally wiped out at the end of every day. Finally, I think I've managed to get to a place where I can breathe a little again. Another test is down, I think I've gotten a handle on my conference paper after spending some time with my professor, I can churn out newspaper articles fairly quickly (if I can get ahold of my sources) and I've managed to figure out a method to the madness with my online biology class.

I would LOVE a day when I don't have to think about any homework whatsoever and just sit around in sweats, watch movies and chill out, but that day has yet to arrive.

Yay, Monday!

"Who cheers for Monday?" you say? I do! I do beacause it means I survived the past week and weekend.

The following is a list of the great number of very time consuming things I had on my plate last week:

*Host 5 friends who stayed to lead our...
*Nightly church activities (revival meetings) from 6-8
*Scrub house from top to bottom for guests
*Finish writing a 10 page rough draft conference paper...or at least 5 pages...
*Spend at least an hour in the school library doing research for said paper
*Write a story on the upcoming Halloween activities on-campus (having to track down several sources)
*2 homework assignments, 2 labs, 3 quizzes and a test for my online biology class AFTER watching 3-4 sections of macromedia lectures on the computer (rinse and repeat: I have to do this every week)
*Read a journal article for a quiz--whoops! I managed to miss this one. Got a big fat "zero" on that quiz.
*Try to figure out why my youngest daughter suddenly hates school and cries everyday. Consoled daughter while reinforcing the idea that she cannot be a pre-K drop-out.
*Gently remind oldest daughter to do her reading and practice her violin
*Wash laundry
*Gather necessary booths, decorations, supplies and manpower for church's Family Fun Festival
*Finish making daughter's ruby slippers for her Dorothy Halloween costume
*Mail client portrait orders
*Order new client portrait orders
*Order winter coats for children
*Try to find dresses for children--with no success
*Decorate church for Fun Fest; monitor children
*Wash more laundry
*Try to monitor my calorie intake as I have been doing a lot of "stress eating" (wonder why?)
*Research & post a topic about "pseudoscience" on my biology class bulletin board for credit
*Have I mentioned laundry?
*Attend eldest daughter's basketball games--2 day tournament
*Try to work out a plan for Thanksgiving with cousin in Arkansas
.....and I'm sure I'm forgetting much more.....

Sadly, I have to repeat much of the activities again this week!!!!

Back to the Grind

While I did spend a lot of Fall Break actually working on school assignments, I did find time to go shopping with the family, sleep late, visit with some friends and veg out in front of the t.v. a time or two.

I am a little ahead on my online biology assignments for now--I still have to read (or at least skim) 6 boring chapters, but I'm pretty satisfied with my progress.

All of this "trying to get ahead" business is due to two things: I have a very busy week (non-school events) and I have to have that blasted rough draft for my conference paper by Thursday!

This paper (this CLASS) is making me age prematurely, I tell ya. I spend countless hours online reading journal articles and reading thick books by my bedside trying to find decent material to cite in my paper....with very little results.

Tomorrow I am planning to skip a class and spend an hour and a half in the library doing research. Thank heavens for the nice reference librarian who pointed me to several specific books, even going so far as to give me page numbers to check out. BLESS HIM!

Drained.

I don't feel overworked, but I feel drained.

Watching the Clock

Today was the first day that I have experienced the "counting-down-every-second syndrome." One class, in particular, seemed to be dragging on and on.... It was one of those boring, common sense-type subjects plus I was tired, hungry and I was beginning to get shaky & headachey. I was hoping and praying that she would let us out of class just 15 minutes early so that I would have time to run to the Student Union and grab a bagel before my next class began, but she didn't.

I could have burned holes through that clock with my eyes!