Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Day My Youngest Child Started Kindergarten

Today, my youngest daughter started kindergarten. I'm not really sad that she's in school (she's been in some sort of partial day school program for 3 years now), but I have become very anxious about my own future.

For 10 years, I have been a stay-at-home mom. I knew it was the right thing to do and I don't regret it one bit. My plan was to finish my college degree once my youngest started kindergarten, but opportunities and circumstances allowed me to start back a little earlier than I expected. All these years, I have never felt pressure to make career plans because I have known that "mommy" is my first and most important job. Now that both of my kiddos are in school full-time, I am beginning to panic about my future. My personality is such that I have to stay busy. The thought of roaming my empty house without a job makes me very anxious and nervous! While I am glad that I am finishing my degree, I now feel that I have put too much hope in it. I have found that college really does not prepare you for the working world all that much; it is simply "one of those things that you need to do."

Right now, I have no idea what the future brings. I don't feel as if my current job will be a long-term employment option and, as I have mentioned many times before, I live in an area that does not provide many opportunities in my desired field of work. And what is my desired field of work anyway? I still have questions about that, too!

On one hand, my daughter's kindergarten year has brought a whole world of new possibilities to me and on the other, it has brought a whole new level of fear and uncertainty.

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