First Test

Thursday was my first test. Retraining myself to study and to think about testing as a whole was a little strange. When the teacher said, "You won't need a scantron," I thought to myself, "I haven't thought about a scantron in years!" And when I sat down to study my review questions, I became increasingly aware of my inability to focus on one thing for a long period of time.

Though I had studied some at home (meaning, the best that I could even though a 5 year old was asking me a million questions as I looked up definitions), I was lucky enough not to have to be in class before the test, so I checked out the library for more study time.

While there, I discovered another wonderful thing I had forgotten about: study rooms. If you've never seen a study room, they are like little closets with one tiny window & a door so you can lock yourself in and study without interruption. Only problem was that these study rooms had open tops, thus not being particularly sound proof. Oh well...I got to study quietly nonetheless.

My test was multiple chioce (I LOVE multiple choice tests!) and the best part was that it only took me 15 minutes to finish! I love it when I have spare time between classes! I rewarded myself with a sandwich, tater tots & a drink from a local drive-in. Hope I don't take too many tests this semester....the calorie count will kill me!

As Overheard...

Last week, if you had been sitting next to me in one of my classes, you would have overheard this conversation:

21 year old girl: "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Me: "Sure. Go ahead."

21: "Exactly how old are you?"

Me: "I'm thirty."

21: "Really? You don't look that old. You still look good."

Me: ***maniacal laughing**

21: "I knew that wouldn't come out right. No matter what I said, it wasn't going to come out right."



I wasn't sure whether to be flattered that I "still look good" and "don't look that old" or if I should have asked at what point one normally starts to look bad! : )

Drained.

I don't feel overworked, but I feel drained.

Cell Phone Withdrawal

In the not-too-distant past, I didn't even own a cell phone and seemed to get by in life jsut fine. Why is it that if I accidentally forget to bring along my phone these days, I freak out?

Yesterday, I got all the way to campus before I realized that my phone was sitting on my bedroom dresser. I sent an e-mail to my husband once I got to class just in case he tried to track me down (and just in case I didn't show up at home when I was supposed to so he could come looking for me & my broken down car on the side of the road--lol!).

I think the main problem for me is that I use my phone as a watch. I haven't worn a watch since I became a cell phone owner. I admit it--I use my phone to monitor class time most days. Some of my classes have clocks that don't work or are in weird locations. It's much easier to lay your phone on your desk & watch the minutes tick by instead of trying to discreetly look at the clock over your shoulder! Things got pretty tricky for me when we got out of class early. I was planning to walk across campus, but I had no way of knowing what time I needed to head back to my building. So, I decided just to stay-put in the computer lab instead.

Although I did worry about not having a way to contact someone if I did have car trouble, I really just wished I had the phone for passing time on the drive home. Lots of times, I'll use my drive time to catch up with friends and family.

It was a little frustrating to be without my phone, but I'm pretty sure I'll remember to check my bag before I leave from now on!

Clueless.

I don't know what to do. Literally. I don't even know where to start.

All I need is a simple thesis and one measly paragraph, but I can't even muster a sentence. My mind feel empty and vast. I want to break into tears of frustration. I feel like I'm about two steps away from an anxiety attack.

I can't remember EVER feeling like this before in my lifetime. Even when I have been challenged by assignments, tasks or projects, I've never felt completely....blank.

I feel stupid and helpless. The latter is very true because I don't have anyone to turn to for help. My professor would just be more confusing. My classmates, from what I can gather, are as bum-fuzzled as I. (I have no idea if bum-fuzzled is a word, but it completely implies the way I feel right now)

I can only hope that everyone else in my class fails miserably as well.

I'm tired of writing. Well, I'm tired of writing for academia. And I'm most tired of thinking about writing for academia. There seems to be no room left for much else these days.

Unexpected

I always assumed that when I did finally get back to college, I would still be studying the same subject I began with: English or more specifically, English Education. Right before I enrolled, I decided to switch to Mass Communications (a.k.a. Journalism) for a number of reasons (one of them being a speedier exit to a diploma, I'll admit). I second-guessed the decision for months. My first day of class, I remember pro & con-ing it to death on the drive to school, wondering if I had made a mistake. I finally told myself to relax, that I could switch to a Mass Comm minor & back to English major if I needed to after the first semester without a problem.

Funny how things change.

For most of my life I loved English studies.....literature, writing, poetry, etc. It was my forte'. Now, I can't stand it.

I'm totally loving my journalism classes and find that communications writing interests me SO much more than academic writing that is required in my English classes. In fact, I DREAD my English classes now. Actually, I'm only taking one this semester, but the thought of having to sit through an advanced poetry composition class in the spring makes me want to have an anxiety attack. I can't think of anything more annoying except maybe the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard!

Today I have decided that I am dropping my English minor, thus stepping away from English altogether. Instead, I will have a plain-sounding "Multidisciplinary Studies" minor with an emphasis in Fine Arts & Humanities. Yes, it sort of bothers me to have such a "catch-all" minor, but if the real point of this journey back to school is to leave with a degree and have fun learning stuff along the way, then who cares? Right?

I know that my disinterest in English studies is based on my current composition class which is frustrating me beyond belief and exhausting my brain. I actually enjoy my little class (it's an advanced senior level class so there are fewer than ten in the room)--we have great discussions and conversations--but the writing is drudgery for me. I don't care about being published in academic journals or dissecting a long-dead writer's novels. Plus, journalistic writing is the exact opposite of English writing, so I am constantly switching gears. English writing just doesn't interest me anymore.

I wonder why it ever did?

Moral of the story (if there is one): a lot of things change with age, including our interests. I'm beginning to be very thankful that I waited until later in life to get my degree.

My First Sick Day

I knew it would inevitibly come...but so soon? Come on....we haven't even hit the peak of flu season yet!

I woke up at 4-something a.m. yesterday (yes, a wee bit earlier than normal) because my sinuses were killing me. I took some over-the-counter sinus medicine that my mom had passed on to me. I had taken it once before & felt like I was on some far-out trip from the 70's, but decided that it would be okay this time. Surely it would be out of my system by the time the alarm went off.

Wrong.

I got up and I was dizzy, sweaty, nauseous and just felt downright out-of-my-mind! All I wanted to do was lie down in a fetal position. And--of yes--my sinuses were still killing me.

But I suffered on....it was school picture day for my kids and even though I don't buy school pictures, I still wanted them to look nice for the yearbook. I even got myself completely dressed right down to the make-up and everything. But I had to lie down.

My sweet husband went to pick up my school-day ritual: a diet Dr. Pepper from the gas station, but I could only take a few sips. Then, when I could wait no longer without being late, I gathered up all my courage, slipped on my monster sunglasses (because when I am sick, I get severely sensitive to sunlight), grabbed my backpack and began the trek to school. I was advised to stop by my DH's office first so he'd know if I was going. I made the two block drive to his office and then he asked me if I could drive on. Maybe. "Can you sit in class all day after you get there?" I dunno.

Two seconds later, I decided to go back home & get in bed.

As it turns out, it was a good decision. I stayed in bed ALL day long, I slept ALL day long (which is very unusual for me) and I ended up bonding with my toilet (a.k.a "puking").

I have no idea what weird illness this was unless it was related to the weird ingredient that was in the medicine I took. At any rate, I did NOT want to miss class so early in the semester. I also had a dental appointment scheduled for yesterday afternoon which I had to cancel. UGH!

I'm hoping that, in the future, I will only be sick on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday!